Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
ALAN CORENIt is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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There are many mysteries in old age but the greatest, surely, is this: in those adverts for walk-in bathtubs, why doesn’t all the water gush out when you get in?
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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Ethnically, the Germans are Teutonic… being made up of Vandals, Gepidae, and Goths, all of whom emigrated – south from Sweden in about 500 BC.
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But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
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Being a personality is not the same thing as having a personality.
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Enjoy your life today because yesterday had gone and tomorrow may never come.
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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A humorist tells himself every morning, “I hope it’s going to be a rough day.” When things are going well, it’s much harder to make the right jokes.
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
ALAN COREN