But even today, ninety per cent of the items covered by the word are forgettable objects in which cigarettes can be left to go stale.
ALAN CORENIt is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
More Alan Coren Quotes
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The Act of God designation on all insurance policies; which means, roughly, that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most likely to happen to you.
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Malta is the only country in the world where the local delicacy is the bread.
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Democracy consists of choosing your dictators, after they’ve told you what you think it is you want to hear.
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To have a grievance is to have a purpose in life.
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It is a magic carpet under which everything has been swept.
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Disneyworld… is a historical reconstruction as sanitised as the Kremlin’s, and a future vision as uncognisant of contemporary pointers as Peter Pan’s.
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10.30 Newsnight: What Are The Chances Of World War Three Breaking Out After You Have Gone To Bed?
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English Bohemianism is a curiously unluscious fruit.
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The role of humour is to make people fall down and writhe on the Axminster, and that is the top and bottom of it.
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Television is more interesting than people. If it were not we should have people standing in the corner of our room.
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I sometimes wonder if the manufacturers of foolproof items keep a fool or two on their payroll to test things.
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Why they emigrated is not exactly clear, but many scholars believe it was because they saw the way Sweden was going, i.e. neutral.
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Having lost the last war, they are currently enjoying a “Wirtschaftswunder,” which can be briefly translated as “The best way to own a Mercedes is to build one.”
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Strictly speaking, the land does not exist; it is merely dehydrated sea.
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Kumquats ripen, open and plop flatly to the floor-and outside, in a neat, trimly-hoed kitchen-garden.
ALAN COREN






