“Beauty is in the hand of the beer holder. Beauty is in the heart of the beholder.”

Success is often the result of taking a misstep in the right direction.

If I were the commissioner of all sports media I would issue an immediate ban on three-person announcing teams on telecasts of live sporting events. In almost all cases three is one voice too many.

The voice of experience keeps its mouth shut.

Adolescence is a period of rapid changes.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Should the beholder have poor eyesight, he can ask the nearest person which girls look good.

We treat this world of ours as though we have a spare in the trunk.

A fool and his money get a lot of publicity.

Spring being a tough act to follow, God created June.

Sometimes the fool who rushes in gets the job done.

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

Between the ages of 12 and 17, for example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.

To the victor belong the responsibilities.

If you want to recapture your youth, just cut off his allowance.

Well, as he brews, so shall he drink.

I sat at a bar having a beer trying to hold down the stool.

When I get a very generous introduction like that I explain that I’m emotionally moved, but on the other hand I’m Irish and the Irish are very emotionally moved. My mother is Irish and she cries during beer commercials.

In a study, scientists report that drinking beer can be good for the liver. I’m sorry, did I say ‘scientists’? I meant Irish people.

Next to music beer was best.

If a tax on malt would raise the price of beer, a tax on bread must raise the price of bread.

The British brand is so popular particularly in the US that they put the union jack flag on top of beer bottles because it sells.

I’m not an alcohol drinker. Instead of the real beer, I just go with root beer.