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I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.

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Control Doing Inventing Lying Myself Olympic Phone Visualize Wave Win Winning

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

I don’t know if I was always an open person, but I think stand-up comics specifically have this way of running towards embarrassing things.
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Always Embarrassing Open People Person Running Specially Thing Thinking Toward
Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.
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Experience Human Make Scar Tough Turn Wound
You can only really learn from failure … To win, you need to fail, and fail hard.
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Fail Failure Fun Hard Learn Need Winning
I really do know football.
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Do Football Know Really
I talk to grown-ups who are out to have a good time and they want to be spoken to in a different way.
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Different Good Grown Spoken Time Trying Up Want Way
I don’t want to be pandered to, so I try not to pander.
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Pander So Try Want
So much of a stand-up’s life is doing live radio and having to be funny and quick on the spot with these strangers, and sort of surgical in terms of how funny I can be in three minutes.
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Doing Funny Life Live Minute Much Quick Radio Sou Spot Stand Stranger Surgical Three
It is hard, it lasts all day, the lighting is generally fluorescent, and, apparently, drinking at your desk is frowned upon.
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Apparently Day Desk Drink Fluorescent Frown Generally Hard Last Lighting Upon
Marriage is a mystery and part of it is just being kind to each other, not being selfish.
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Be Each Just Kind Marriage Mystery Other Selfish
No one wants to hear about how awesome you were; people want to hear about the time you blew it.
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Awesome Blew Hear Need People Thinking Time Want
Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.
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Accomplishment Passionate Require Running Sorry Success Wall Work
I was not one of those people who wanted to be a comedian when I was growing up. I liked comedy, but didn’t know it was something you could do for a living.
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College Comedian Growing Kid Loving People Up Wanted
I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.
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Always Geek Nerd Real Such
I’m just myself, so I don’t know that I think of myself as a nerd icon.
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Icon Know Myself Nerd Thinking
Whereas regular people tend to run away – because the embarrassing story is always going to be the really funny story.
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Always Away Funny Going People Regular Run Story
Omnipresence can be a good or bad thing, I suppose. I don’t want to spend a lot of time thinking about it. I’m super-grateful.
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Bad Good Grateful Omnipresence Suppose Thing Thinking Want

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