I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARAOne day in the shower, you figure it out. It’s a special day in a man’s life. I was like, ‘Oh, I found me a hobby.’
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
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My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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Sex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
ADAM FERRARA