You can do that: you send away to the Philippines, and they send you a wife. The only thing is, once you’re on their mailing list, they keep sending you a relative a month whether you want it or not.
ADAM FERRARAI love that magazine, man – Victoria’s Secret – and it comes, like, every three hours.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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My father tried to give me the sex talk once, and he chickened out. He walked into my room and went, ‘Adam – uh, don’t kiss guys.’
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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My pop is this big, huge man, nothing can hurt him. I went running into his bedroom like, ‘Daddy, Daddy, the boogie man’s under the bed!’ Pop opens one eye, he’s like, ‘Is the boogie man bigger than me?’ ‘
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
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I sincerely want to meet the girl that was meant for me, but I want to sleep with the girls that weren’t.
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Just to p-s you off, that’s why! I got spoons hidden all over this house! Keep it up, and your napkin rings are gonna start disappearing.’
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Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA