Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
ADAM FERRARASex is important to guys. We need stories to tell our friends.
More Adam Ferrara Quotes
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I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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I got into cars through my father. He used to work on cars. My job was to hold the light, which pretty much was the limit of my mechanical abilities.
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I am a Catholic. Basically, the Catholic religion is ‘If it feels good – stop.’
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Being in a relationship is like being in A.A. My friends ask me, ‘How’s it going with that girl?’ ‘One day at a time, man.’
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My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.
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I love my girlfriend, don’t get me wrong. I truly love this woman, but I have the ability to have sex without any emotional involvement. It’s a gift.
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As soon as you lay down, that’s when the most bizarre things start coming out of her mouth. ‘Goodnight, baby.’ ‘Do you think we were together in a past life?’ ‘Yeah, and I died of sleep deprivation. Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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My girlfriend wants to get married. I tell you – I hope she meets somebody nice.
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There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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I woke up my pop in the middle of the night ’cause the boogie man’s under my bed.
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If you look at a group of people that had faith, it’s got to be the Jews. They followed Moses through the desert for 40 years with no map. There had to be one guy in the back, like, ‘I don’t think he knows where he’s going.’
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I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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The human body is in constant change the minute we’re born. It’s in a constant state of decay. We’re all like Ford Escorts, just falling apart.
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The only marriage I’ve observed for any length of time is my parents – 35 years. I asked my pop, I go, ‘Pop, 35 years – what do you hope for?’ He’s like, ‘I hope you die first.’
ADAM FERRARA