At some point I stopped stand-up because I didn’t have something to say on a nightly basis.
BILLY CRYSTALBambi, to a kid, was scary.
More Billy Crystal Quotes
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I don’t like heights. This is why I stopped growing at fifth grade.
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I’ve always thought that the key to a good sex life is variety. That’s why God gave me two hands. Humans love sex, we need sex, it’s how we connect, it reminds us we’re alive, it’s the third most basic human need, after food and good movie popcorn.
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Two thousand years ago Jesus is crucified, three days later he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.
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I love doing it [hosting the Oscars] because I love the danger of it and you have to come through and think on your feet.
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[I did impressions] of relatives because I heard so many different sounds. My dad was in the music business and of course my uncle was a giant [music producer], but my dad in particular had the house filled with these Dixieland jazz stars.
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I had really good hearing and when you’re scared it gets heightened so you hear scratching noises or something.
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Bambi, to a kid, was scary.
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Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America’s biggest export is now the Oscar.
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That’s why that show, no matter who hosts it, it really should be a fast-thinking comedian who is really quick on their feet that can handle situations that happen, or somebody with that kind of mentality that can capitalize on something.
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From the first time I saw Sid Caesar be funny I knew that’s what I had to do.
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A laugh is a weird sound, and when you get a couple thousand people making it at once, it’s really strange. But when I can feel proud of myself for causing it, it’s great.
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You have to really respect what your kids are doing with their kids and how they’re raising them. You can’t push your way into areas where you shouldn’t be saying anything.
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I’m a baby. I sleep like a baby – I’m up every two hours. And I think a lot. I worry a lot. I have great nights of no sleep where ideas come.
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As a director and an actor, I encourage improvisation but in character and in the moment of what it is.
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Nothing can take the sting out of the world’s economic problems like watching millionaires present each other with golden statues.
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