So, it’s good to be here, wherever I am.
BILL HICKSMarijuana: a drug that kills … no one – and let’s put it in a time frame – ever. Illegal.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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My voice was not heard, the questions were not asked that I wanted to see asked.
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What’s gonna happen to the arms industry when we realize we’re all one. Ha ha ha ha ha! It’s gonna fuck up the economy!
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I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
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I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.
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I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
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Pot is a better drug than alcohol. I’ll prove it to you. You’re at a ball game or a concert, and someone’s really violent and agressive and obnoxious, are they drunk or are they smoking pot?
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I ascribe to Mark Twain’s theory that the last person who should be President is the one who wants it the most. The one who should be picked is the one who should be dragged kicking and screaming into the White House.
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The American dream is a crock. Stop wanting everything. Everyone should wear jeans and have three T-shirts, eat rice and beans.
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I guess what surprised me the most was the discrepancy in casualties: Iraq, one hundred fifty thousand casualties, USA: seventy-nine!
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I love the Pope, I love seeing him in his Pope-Mobile, his three feet of bullet proof plexi-glass. That’s faith in action folks! You know he’s got God on his side.
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The war on drugs to me is absolutely phoney, its so obviously phoney, ok? It’s a war against our civil rights, that’s all it is. They’re using it to make us afraid to go out at night, afraid of each other, so that we lock ourselves in our homes and they get suspending our rights one by one.
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I am a misanthropic humanist… Do I like people? They’re great, IN THEORY.
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Dinosaur fossils were placed in rocks by prankster God just to make human beings think the world is older than it is.
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You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
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Good comedy helps people know they’re not alone. Great comedy provides an answer.
BILL HICKS