People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
BILLY CONNOLLYI hate all those weathermen, too, who tell you that rain is bad weather. There’s no such thing as bad weather, just the wrong clothing.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
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The world needs more Edwin Morgans, people who can take the language and swing it round their heads and don’t care what you think.
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There’s a fine line you have to tread because you don’t know who is out there in the auditorium. A lot of people are too easily offended.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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I’m a big fan of the Mars Bar Diet. You don’t eat the Mars bar, you stick it up your arse and let a rottweiler chase you home.
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There’s one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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Revolution was written into the U.S. Constitution so it’s like they’re in a constant state of revolution. But then again, happiness is written into their constitution as well, which makes them pretty unique.
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When people say “it’s always the last place you look”. Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you’ve found it?
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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When you involved in an accident and someone asks “are you alright?” Yes fine thanks, I’ll just pick up my limbs and be off.
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For me, it’s about the desire to win. My audience becomes a crowd of wild animals and I have to be the lion-tamer or be eaten.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
BILLY CONNOLLY