I used to drink, I did, I had to quit. Man, I was an embarrassing drunk. I’d get pulled over by the cops, I’d be so drunk I’d be out dancing to their lights thinking I’d made it to another club.
BILL HICKSMan, the Beatles were so high, they let Ringo sing a coupla tunes. Tell me they weren’t partyin’.
More Bill Hicks Quotes
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The definition of black irony is Pro-lifers killing Doctors who do abortions
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We’re supposed to keep evolving. Evolution did not end with us growing opposable thumbs. You do know that, right?
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BTW A 24 week old embryo is not a human being. You’re not a human being until you’re in my phone book.
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STRATFORD SUCKS!’ Am I supposed to run after these guys? I’d just stand there, you know. They’d back up. ‘STRATFORD SUCKS! …STRATFORD SUCKS!’ I’d say, ‘I know. I go there. You’re wasting gas, man.
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We really are All One….this is the very philosophy that has kept me virtually anonymous in America for fifteen years.
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What before seemed a…frustrating wall, the comic deftly and fearlessly steps through, proving the absurdity of it all.
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I don’t get along with anything, I really don’t…I’m, I’m, maybe I’m just a, you know, incredibly tasteful human being.
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This is where we are at right now, as a whole. No one is left out of the loop. We are experiencing a reality based on a thin veneer of lies and illusions.
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Why is pot against the law? It wouldn’t be because anyone can grow it, and therefore you can’t make a profit off it, would it?
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You are the imagination of yourself.
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If you are living for tomorrow, you will always be one day behind.
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A world where greed is our God and wisdom is sin, where division is key and unity is fantasy, where the ego-driven cleverness of the mind is praised, rather than the intelligence of the heart.
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I figure, if he could overcome being nailed to a cross, I don’t think a Marlboro Light’s gonna faze him that much.
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I can’t watch TV longer than five minutes without praying for nuclear holocaust.
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You ever seen somebody do that? I’ve seen someone do that. Let me tell you something – if you’re smoking out of a hole in your neck [mimics it again] I’d think about quitting. And that’s just me, ya know.
BILL HICKS







