I don’t need anything as long as I have my family, friends, millions of dollars, unlimited pussy.
BO BURNHAMAnd if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
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I’m a stand up comic and I always sit and slouch, and I got my girlfriend pregnant on my sterile uncles pull-out couch.
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I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
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I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.
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Twitter is a lot like crystal meth, because it’s really fun to do and Oprah’s on it.
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Where are all the sour patch parents?
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I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
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The biggest danger, for me, with making yourself your act is that a lot of people with think they know you for better or worse. That’s an ongoing struggle with me and it can get really trippy sometimes.
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Then the challenge is, once you left brain it and build it, then when you’re on stage you have to know it so well that you can get lost in it. I don’t want to be onstage looking like a robot,
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I don’t try to call myself a poet. But I know that my stuff is pretty literal, in that the themes are pretty simple and on the surface.
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I never felt like I was stealing anyone’s fans as much as I was introducing some younger people to comedy who will eventually find tons of other comedians that they love.
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I don’t want to try to recreate for no reason. Like, me in my bedroom, singing songs to a camera was a special thing that was at that time in my life. But I’m just not that kid. I like the format of it, but I want to be able to release things for free.
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I chose to do comedy instead of going to college.
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And if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
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Squaring numbers are just like women. If they’re under thirteen, just do them in your head.
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Even if he is your friend, never, ever call an Asian person.
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