I met a bipolar bear. He laughed, cried, then wanted a threesome.
BO BURNHAMAnd if ten percent of men are gay and twenty percent of men are Chinese, what are the odds that a men chosen at random spends his free time and mealtime while on his knees.
More Bo Burnham Quotes
-
-
I never said I was funny, OK, so stop staring at me.
BO BURNHAM -
“Do I really want to make a joke about a miscarriage when a woman in the audience might have had one?” I don’t worship comedy; at the end of the day I don’t fall to the altar of comedy unquestioningly.
BO BURNHAM -
For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.
BO BURNHAM -
If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I’d still say no.
BO BURNHAM -
I love you just the way you are but you don’t see you like I do. You shouldn’t try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.
BO BURNHAM -
Bitches and hoes don’t exist because the hoes know Bo’s a feminist.
BO BURNHAM -
Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.
BO BURNHAM -
I believe, firmly, that women are always right. Ah, I should actually rephrase that: I… don’t.
BO BURNHAM -
Do you guys like impressions? “Why?” That was Socrates.
BO BURNHAM -
The strength of comedy is I don’t have to answer to anybody but sometimes you want to learn from other people and see your ideas strengthen by other people.
BO BURNHAM -
If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?
BO BURNHAM -
If your belief is hateful towards people, I couldn’t respect that.
BO BURNHAM -
All you god damn dirty Catholics can cath-o-lick my balls.
BO BURNHAM -
Poverty. Racism. Isn’t it strange, only the homeless are begging for change?
BO BURNHAM -
I’m also wary about the fact that if you don’t proceed with caution and understand what you’re doing, you understand these things are realities that you’re dealing with, they’re real things.
BO BURNHAM -
I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.
BO BURNHAM -
I’m not a grown up until everybody realises I’m a grown up. When everyone remembers me as the dirty kid singing little songs I am the dirty little kid.
BO BURNHAM -
At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.
BO BURNHAM -
I feel more like I’m doing a play whose main character just happens to share my name.
BO BURNHAM -
People do complain about the way I act on stage… They think on stage I act too arrogant, too self-obsessed, solecistic, self-contained, synonyms.
BO BURNHAM -
When things [writing] are over, I always think, ‘well, I’m never going to do anything again because I have no ideas so I’m going to go be a farmer’. Or else ideas will come and and if not then I become a farmer. Hopefully won’t happen.
BO BURNHAM -
I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer
BO BURNHAM -
I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.
BO BURNHAM -
The average person has one Fallopian tube.
BO BURNHAM -
I know it’s the comedian’s instinct to say, “Do it, man, nothing’s off-limits! It’s cool, bro!” I don’t know if that’s the answer for me.
BO BURNHAM -
Is there anything better than pussy? Yeah, a really good book.
BO BURNHAM