I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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Fame is being asked to sign your autograph on the back of a cigarette packet.
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A well-balanced person has a drink in each hand.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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Never trust people who’ve only got one book.
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I don’t have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I’ve done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that’s mostly what I’m offered.
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Whenever I wear something expensive it looks stolen.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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I spent the whole time battering people I liked and singing with my arm round people I loathed.
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Tread gently on anyone who looks at you sideways.
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