A fart is just your arse applauding.
BILLY CONNOLLYI’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I’m a huge film star… but you have to hurry to the movies, because I usually die in the first 15 f–ing minutes. I’m the only guy I know who died in a f–ing Muppet movie.
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I loved Japan. I used to read a lot about it when I was a child. And I always wanted to go. And it was delightful. I absolutely loved it. What a smashing place.
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Killing a guy and stealing his wife and child isn’t too nice a thing to do.
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Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
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I’d never consciously left home to see a zombie movie. They were fine by me, but I had no intention of ever being in one. But I’ve been learning more about it as I’ve been doing interviews. I
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If you want to lose a bit of weight, don’t eat anything out of a bucket.
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I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.
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I don’t understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I’m amazed what people come up with when they look at them.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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I don’t believe in angels, no. But I do have a wee parking angel. It’s on my dashboard and you wind it up. The wings flap and it’s supposed to give you a parking space. It’s worked so far.
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I’ve always liked it here. Part of me is Irish. My family comes from the west coast, so whenever I come to Ireland I get a wee tingling in my heart that I’m where I belong.
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[To audience members who were arriving late] You haven’t missed a thing, I was just killing time ’til you got here.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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There’s no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.
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