“A general and a bit of shooting makes you forget your troubles … it takes your mind off the cost of living.”

And two balls minus one, six titles at the tour de France.

You made one mistake. You married me.

It’s not that comedy has changed in terms of what’s funny. For me, it’s changed in that sometimes I don’t feel my finger is on the pulse.

I have a total irreverence for anything connected with society except that which makes the roads safer, the beer stronger, the food cheaper and the old men and old women warmer in the winter and happier in the summer.

Every cripple has his own way of walking.

I’m into sincerity in music and sincerity in art. If it doesn’t feel true, I don’t want to do it. Things that are too dramatic scare me. I think that’s why I don’t always fit into the world of performing arts.

Whatever you hold in contempt is your jailer.

I was court-martialled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.

Most horror movies are certainly that.

I’m a Communist by day and a Catholic as soon as it gets dark.

The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.

I saw a notice that said “Drink Canada Dry” and I’ve just started.

An author’s first duty is to let down his country.

The trouble with music appreciation in general is that people are taught to have too much respect for music they should be taught to love it instead.

As touching peaches in general, the very name in Latine whereby they are called Persica, doth evidently show that they were brought out of Persia first.

Generally speaking anybody is more interesting doing nothing than doing anything.

Only as far as a man is happily married to himself is he fit for married life and family life in general.

There are occasions when the general belief of the people, even though it be groundless, works its effect as sure as truth itself.

The purpose of poetry is to remind us how difficult it is to remain just one person, for our house is open, there are no keys in the doors, and invisible guests come in and out at will.

The news media in general are liberals.

People will generally accept facts as truth only if the facts agree with what they already believe.