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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

Billy Connolly

Well, the film’s not only pricking the pomposity of the Church, it’s pricking the pomposity, and sometimes you would think fraudulence, of the insurance companies.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Fraudulence People Pomposity Sometimes Thinking Water
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Department Parent Pet Zoos
There’s nothing like it, but it’s not as good as you think it’s going to be. . . . I was disappointed because there are records of people finding things that have been there for years. I was hoping for a shirt button, or my club’s badge – but not a sausage.
BILLY CONNOLLY

People Records Thinking Years
Scottish-Americans tell you that if you want to identify tartans, it’s easy – you simply look under the kilt, and if it’s a quarter-pounder, you know it’s a McDonald’s.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Kilts Looks Mcdonalds Quater
I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Funny Humorous Witty
I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Offended Target The Aim
Politically correct is the language of cowardice.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Cowardice Language Politically Correct
If you give people a chance, they shine.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Giving People Shining
The human race has been set up. Someone, somewhere, is playing a practical joke on us. Apparently, women need to feel loved to have sex. Men need to have sex to feel loved. How do we ever get started.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Apparently Men Race Sex Women
People die all the time. It’s just that you’re not around.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Around Dies Normal People
When I read ‘Be real, don’t get caught acting,’ I thought, ‘How the hell do you do that?’.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Acting Hell Real
I love Scotland and I speak about it a lot, so people think I’m desperate to go back. They just take it upon themselves to say I’m going back, but I’m not. I’d rather concentrate on becoming a citizen of the world.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Desperate People Themselves Thinking
The religion in Scotland is one of the most patronising things… after the weather.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Country Patronishing Region Weather
I once travelled to Adelaide on Emu Airways. I was 5,000 ft up in the air when someone pointed out to me that emus can’t fly
BILLY CONNOLLY

Adelaide Air Fly Pointed
I think age is terribly overrated. You’re okay as long as you don’t grow up. By all means grow old, but don’t mature. Remain childlike, retain wonder, the ability to be flabbergasted by something.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Childlike Growing Mean Thinking
Without arts programmes there’s only reality TV, and reality TV needs the arts to show it what reality is.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Art Needs Reality

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

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Popular Authors

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