“Poetic talent is really easy to fake when thy sentences doth no f-king sense make.”

I love you like a gay geneticist loves designer genes.

I’ve been doin’ drive-bys all of my life. Except the bullets are newspapers, the car is my bike.

I get more ass than a giant donkey stable.

At the time of ‘Words, Words, Words,’ I’m a 19-year-old getting up feeling like he’s entitled to do comedy and tell you what he thinks of the world, so that’s inherently a little bit ridiculous.

For me, if you distill comedy down, it is surprise and the unexpected. That has to be it on its most base level, in any form.

Comedy is the one absolutely self-aware art form. Actually, hip-hop’s another one, I suppose. Because in your songs you’re talking about how good a hip-hop artist you are. It’s like a painter painting a panting of himself painting a painting.

There are a shitload of songs about being in love with someone who doesn’t love you back and I talk about weed and my cat and being lazy a lot.

True ideas are those that we can assimilate, validate, corroborate, and verify. False ideas are those that we cannot

Love is all about… whistles.

I’m just ready to keep going.

I’m gay for Jesus, fill me with your grace. Pour your love all over me, but please aim away from my face.

I am very lucky to have the opportunity to travel to so many amazing destinations for work!

Let a Secretary of Peace be appointed.

What do you call a kid with no arms and an eyepatch? Names.

I think the comedy clubs tend to homogenize the acts a little bit, because they force them to be palatable in way too many environments.

I think controversy has this allusion of being controversial but it’s totally not, which is why I’m trying to get away from it because it’s just easy and automatic.

There are trivial truths and the great truths. The opposite of a trivial truth is plainly false. The opposite of a great truth is also true.

Integrity means there is not a real-life you and an internet you. The two are one and the same. If you’re not kind on the Internet, you’re not kind.

The opposite of a fact is falsehood, but the opposite of one profound truth may very well be another profound truth.

All smoke and mirrors, nothing concrete or real -Social Media

I don’t like Drake as a person. He’s just fake to me.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

An election is coming. Universal peace is declared and the foxes have a sincere interest in prolonging the lives of the poultry.

People often think I’m a faker, but I’m usually honest, in a certain way–in such a way that often nobody believes me!