didn’t even know there were specialist zombie magazines and clubs. I heard the other day that a radio station had asked people if they`d made preparations for an attack by zombies, and a staggering number of people replied yes!
BILLY CONNOLLYWhen I was 12, we went from Glasgow to Aberdeen on a school trip. It was called fresh air fortnight.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
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Behind the proscenium arch, you can’t always hear what people in the audience are saying.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I was brought up a Catholic, for that you get an A level in guilt.
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I’ve always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
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It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he’s telling them all different things.
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I used to have Mad Cow’s disease, but I’m alright Nooooooooow.
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Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
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Outgrew the media… The negativity felt like a disease.
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Chic Murray once told me he fell in the street, and a woman said to him, “Did you fall?” He said, “No, I’m tryin’ to break a bar of chocolate in my back pocket.”
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I think the longer Britain is in Europe the better.
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So, have you heard about the oyster who went to a disco and pulled a mussel?
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A fart is just your arse applauding.
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My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.
BILLY CONNOLLY