Acting is a different discipline. On stage I’m free to say what I please. But the change is very good for ya.
BILLY CONNOLLYI loathe hecklers. I haven’t got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone.
More Billy Connolly Quotes
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I started to draw desert islands. They were just rough, shapes in the middle of the page. Then I began drawing shapes within those shapes and I was amazed how quickly the islands got better. It took off from there.
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Scotland has the only football team in the world that does a lap of disgrace.
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I became a welder. I was actually becoming an Engineer and I joined the wrong queue. And so I became a welder, without knowing what a welder was.
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Who discovered we could get milk from cows, and what did he think he was doing at the time?
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A lot of people are too easily offended. Religious people, for instance. They’ve been offending other people for centuries.
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I’ve never done a comedy club in my life. It’s weird because I don’t have the same background as most comics. I don’t have a history of going up and only doing eight minutes.
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Wisdom isn’t an old guy on top of a mountain in a loin cloth. It isn’t an answer. It’s a question.
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Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.
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I used to be a folk singer, but I was… dreadful. I had a voice like a goose farting in the fog.
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If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?
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There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
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Don’t vote, it only encourages them.
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I set out to be a cross between Lenny Bruce and Robert the Bruce – my main thrust was the body and its functions and malfunctions – the absurdity of the thing.
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I have been made redundant before and it is a terrible blow; redundant is a rotten word because it makes you think you are useless.
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I don’t aim to offend.
BILLY CONNOLLY