Oh, he flew off that tower, hollering at his buddies. “Whoo, check me out, dudes! Oh, that ground is coming up…” WHAM! And what do you say, if you’re the operator of that ride, to the next guy in line? “All right dude, you’re up.”
BILL ENGVALLYou get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
More Bill Engvall Quotes
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In 1903 the Wright brothers invented airplanes, because in 1902 they took a road trip across the country with their family.
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A couple of months ago I went fishing with a buddy of mine, we pulled his boat into the dock.
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I know at least two people who have never been killed by hippos.
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The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
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I was traveling down the road with a buddy and there’s a guy driving around in a jeep with a dead deer strapped to the hood.
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I arrived home the other day, and it was just pouring rain out side so buy the time I get from the car to the front door I am soaked.
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Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail.
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How about this, have you ever farted so hard you shivered?
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I’d love to be a woman for one day of my life… God… I would be drunk with power.
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I saw them, and I saw him see them. But she was too close for me to go, “Dude, shut up.” She hadn’t walked two feet behind us and he goes “God dang, did you see the SIZE of those things?” And all I could say was “Yeah, I did!”
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No parents. You have Uncle Jesse, forever in overalls. Then there’s Bo and Duke. What do they do? I never saw them working for food or gas money. You can only kill so many possum.
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Because we’ve become so ecologically minded now, they have developed a product called Rapidly Dissolving Toilet Paper. Just how rapidly are we talking? ‘Cause I don’t want to have to play Beat the Clock in the thicket.
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Oh, what a great day that was! You got to be God. You decided who lived, who died.
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When the bus driver gets off the bus, who shuts the door?
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I told my wife I’m afraid to go back to the doctor because I’m afraid they’re going to look at you and say: ‘ma’am, just sell him for parts. It’s like that old car that as soon as you fix one thing, something else goes out on it.
BILL ENGVALL