black
grey
blue
red
brown
white

You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

Bill Engvall

I pulled the boy close to me and said you see that girl, thats my only lil girl. So if you think about huggin or kissin. Remember these words. I aint afraid to go back to prison.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Girl Humor Remember
I just realized that with the invention of the iPhone and others you now get to see the top of people’s heads.
BILL ENGVALL

Invention iPhone People
I was a dork hunter. That’s hard to do. I fell out of a tree.
BILL ENGVALL

Dork Fell Hunter Out Tree
Just when I think the human race has been lost to the “what about me” people. I see the best we have to offer helping others.
BILL ENGVALL

Helping Others Race Thinking
I’ve never read a kayak manual, but I’m pretty sure page one says ‘Use in water.’
BILL ENGVALL

Pages Use Water
You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.
BILL ENGVALL

Change Handling Shape Six Week
I am out in public and using the phone. I am in a phone booth, got the phone in my hand and a man taps on the glass and says You using the phone? Nope, I’m superman, i am just looking for my costume. Here’s your sign!
BILL ENGVALL

Glasses Men Phones Superman
I believe that the way to a man’s heart is not through his stomach. It’s a little further south.
BILL ENGVALL

Believe Heart Men
Martial sex is kinda like ordering a Civil War chess set through the mail.
BILL ENGVALL

Pieces Sex War
As we’re staggering out of the hospital, I don’t remember doing this because I was still high, but apparently I turned to the entire operating room staff and screamed “Hey! I’d better not see this on YouTube!”
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Rooms
I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: “When you gonna wear these for me?” She goes, “I can’t. They’re your daughter’s.” “Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!” There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there.
BILL ENGVALL

Daughter Goes No Pick Puts Wife
The human brain doesn’t come with an instruction manual.
BILL ENGVALL

Brain Humans Instruction
I might have tried bungee jumping, until I saw that video of that guy whose cord came untied. He didn’t know it ’till he hit the ground.
BILL ENGVALL

Funny Humor Jumping
My wife and I had an argument last week that was so stupid, that it bears repeating. My wife collects twist ties…welcome to my world.
BILL ENGVALL

Repeating Stupid Ties Wife
Number one: ‘You’re only responsible for the first $10,000 worth of damage.’ Number two: ‘We have medication for this.’ And number three: ‘It was more than an ounce and he was less than a hundred yards from the school.’
BILL ENGVALL

Damage Hundred Number One Responsible
I go “I just want a cup of black coffee.” She goes “Do you want to try a biscotti? They’re from Italy and they’re considered a delicacy.” Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I’m from, that’s considered a mistake.
BILL ENGVALL

Coffee Eating Funny Mistake

You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

You get one piece every four to six weeks, you don’t know what kind of shape that piece is gonna be in when you get it, but you still gotta pay the handling charges.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

More Bill Engvall Quotes