“My daughter very independent. But if she’s upset about something, she will absolutely let me know. She’s great – a real tough cookie.”

[On Princess Anne:] Such an active, outdoorsy lass. She loves nature in spite of what it did to her.

Cats always seem so very wise, when staring with their half-closed eyes. Can they be thinking, I’ll be nice, and maybe she will feed me twice?

If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to do it?

I always wanted to be a performer, I didn’t know exactly what kind of performer, all I knew was there were certain things that I liked. I liked movies a whole lot, and I loved music.

Where did I do well?” When I did this assessment of my life, I said to myself, “It was really good.”

Unfortunately, every time there’s a budget crunch in New York, the Parks Department is usually the first to be cut. So they need all the help they can get.

When it’s time to shuffle off this mortal coil, you leave your ashes to be composted.

Previously, the jokes were more related to current issues, political. Today people make about each other either funny or about people like Kim Kardashian. It’s brutal. Everything is so much vielschmutziger.

For days on end, I would hardly speak, and when I did only the vilest sort of gibberish would spout forth. I became morose and fat. Unapproachable, except when eating – and then only by waiters.

Music is probably the only place I get energy from. Music and maybe watching a really tremendous performer, watching a terrific performer like Jagger or watching a great movie.

I wouldn’t say I invented tacky, but I definitely brought it to its present high popularity.

When I turned 50, I threw myself a big birthday party, and I looked seriously at what my life has been about. I recommend this to everybody. Ask yourself, “What have I done? How did I do it? Where’d I mess up?

Marriage is such hard work. And it’s full of rage and real human drama.

Enough about me. What do you think about me?

Some say love, it is a razor that leaves your soul to bleed.

I haven’t left my house in days. I watch the news channels incessantly. All the news stories are about the election; all the commercials are Viagra and Cialis. Election, erection, election, erection! Either way we’re screwed!

I never neglected my daughters – quite the opposite – but I suppose I could have and should have spent more time with them.

As astronomy is the daughter of idleness, geometry is the daughter of property.

I knew ‘Mars Needs Moms! ‘ would be a movie seconds after the title came to mind. Similarly, I also knew that my daughter would be calling me a dork as a default term of endearment eventually.

I love my daughter, but there’s a certain feeling, a certain emotion when you got a granddaughter, you know?

Absent parents aren’t abusive per se. They’re neglectful. They love in a very imperfect way. There are parents like that, and they do love their daughters and sons, but they’re not parents in the way that we might think of it.

I actually started working on Madagascar before my daughter was born.

But, you know, when I look at somebody like Hillary Clinton, who sits there and tells her daughter and a government official that no, this was a terrorist attack, and then tells everybody else that it was a video. Where I came from, they call that a lie.

The death of my daughter is a subject I talk about briefly because there is nothing more tragic.