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For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

Bill Burr

I am so pro-swine flu… I want it. We need a plague. It’s got to happen; don’t be afraid. It’s only going to kill the weak.
BILL BURR

Flu Needs Want
As much as Metallica rocked, they always had these song names… ‘The Thing That Shouldn’t Be’. ‘The Chair That Wasn’t There’, you know?
BILL BURR

Metallica Names Song
I just do my act. If people in England don’t get my joke I make fun of myself for telling it.
BILL BURR

Country Fun People
Some guy workin’ at Home Depot, he wants to f-k just as many women as a celebrity. But he can’t do it, because whores don’t care about lumber.
BILL BURR

Care Guy Home
I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.
BILL BURR

Love Obviously Radio
I was in NYC during 9/11; it happened on a Tuesday, I was on stage Thursday. It was a small crowd, but it took about 10 days and comedy clubs were packed.
BILL BURR

Crowds Happened Tuesday
Haven’t you noticed that every time the government f-ks up McDonald’s has a new sandwich?
BILL BURR

Government Mcdonalds Sandwiches
You know, it wasn’t even that I’m a funny guy, I just loved stand-up comedy and I wanted to do it. It was one of the few things in my life that I knew I was going to be able to do, and I also felt as though I’d be able to do it the way I wanted to do it.
BILL BURR

Able Comedy Funny Guy Way
I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.
BILL BURR

Growing Up Mind Territory
I can tell you why I like different countries. Ireland – some of the funniest heckles I’ve ever gotten. And the last time I did England I did Bristol, Manchester, and then London. The whole country is just amazing to drive through.
BILL BURR

Country Different London
Only an adult with dying dreams can appreciate how awesome it is to have a dog.
BILL BURR

Appreciate Dog Dream
Surround yourself with positive people. Also, be a positive person. Root for people. Somebody else’s success is not your failure.
BILL BURR

People Roots Surround Yourself
As a big music fan, England is an amazing place to go.
BILL BURR

Amazing Fans Places
I’ve found is that by doing stand-up, I’ve actually learned how to combat depression. I don’t have clinical, but I’ve definitely had my bouts with it. I just figured out that it’s a choice. Y
BILL BURR

Blood Bouts Choice Games Writing
I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.
BILL BURR

Banker Dog Funny Hate Issue
I don’t mind either one [crowd that is more willing to interact or crowd that’s more ready to just watch]. Both of them are forms of listening to what I’m saying so I can’t ask for any more than that.
BILL BURR

Listening Mind Watches

For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

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For aspiring comedians? Don’t listen to me. Just go on stage and do what you think is funny.

Related Topics

Popular Authors

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