“Don’t be a jerk to other comics and don’t let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you’re going to get somewhere.”

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.

I enjoy collaborating with other people.

London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.

If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.

The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.

You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.

It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no.

Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.

An ass may bray a good while before he shakes the stars down.

I just want everyone to know I’m suing Ruben Studdard. He had his hand on my ass and he wouldn’t let go.

Real sacrifice. Real disappointment. Real failure. And it requires the ability to scrape your sorry ass up off the floor, stumble to your feet.

I’m my own boss and my boss is a total ass.

To work in architecture you are so much involved with society, with politics, with bureaucrats. It’s a very complicated process to do large projects.

No matter how large a horse’s ass you are, to stay by your side until death. A fool could tell you this is a bad deal.

I fight, knock them out, have some sex and Monday I’m back to hitting bags and kicking ass.

Only I can’t do them so I ended up on my ass followed by the most unsightly backward roll out of it, followed by the cast falling over in laughter and a good portion of the audience too.