If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.
BILL BURRWhat are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
More Bill Burr Quotes
-
-
I was a feature one time and they gave me host money. When I called to complain the guy goes “no you didn’t feature, you co-hosted”. He literally invented a term so he didn’t have to pay me. And obviously that check bounced!
BILL BURR -
You have to understand how bad I wanted to be a comedian, how much I loved doing it. I still can’t believe I get to do this for a living and have people come up and want to see me.
BILL BURR -
I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.
BILL BURR -
I do enjoy them. I get to meet the next generation of comics and help them out. Big comics doing small shows was something that used to happen a lot more back in the day. I wish there was more of that.
BILL BURR -
Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.
BILL BURR -
What are they worried about? Nobody ever walked into a show as a bleeding heart liberal and had a comedian undo 30 years of life experience.
BILL BURR -
I was certified to take x-rays, but you can’t just show up and start cleaning people’s teeth.
BILL BURR -
I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.
BILL BURR -
[I’m] more German than Irish.
BILL BURR -
I’ve had a great time on the road, I would say shooting guns with a silencer in Jacksonville, Fla.
BILL BURR -
I’m always looking at new ways to tell a joke so that it doesn’t get stale while working on new jokes every night or I would go absolutely crazy and would want to kill myself. I just want to go in there and talk about what’s bugging me.
BILL BURR -
Don’t be a jerk to other comics and don’t let the business beat you down, stay positive and if you work your ass off you’re going to get somewhere.
BILL BURR -
You’re a kid, your whole life is awesome. It’s awesome, right? You had no money, no ID, no cell phone, no nothing, no keys to the house. You just ran outside into the woods. You weren’t scared of nothing. I challenge you to do that as an adult.
BILL BURR -
We need a plague. It’s gotta happen. And don’t worry, it’s only gonna kill the weak. Seriously. Put on a sweater, take some vitamins, you’re gonna be fine! We gotta let mother nature do her thing, man. She keeps trying to help us out and we won’t let her do it.
BILL BURR -
When I was coming up the DC Improv was considered the best Improv out there. It’s always been high quality stuff coming out of there.
BILL BURR -
Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.
BILL BURR -
You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.
BILL BURR -
I’m like that loud guy in the bar, who kind of makes sense for about ten minutes, and then you realise he flunked everything at high school so you just laugh at him.
BILL BURR -
I don’t mind either one [crowd that is more willing to interact or crowd that’s more ready to just watch]. Both of them are forms of listening to what I’m saying so I can’t ask for any more than that.
BILL BURR -
My neighbor’s not even listening to me. He’s all excited about some garden hose he bought at Brookstone. He’s convinced it was designed by NASA. “Actually, it’s got two nozzles, one for the hot and one for the…”
BILL BURR -
Like most comics, I tried to come up with a sitcom idea that was based around my life. And it didn’t work out. But maybe because it didn’t work out, that’s why I ended up on ‘Breaking Bad;’ I don’t know.
BILL BURR -
If this goes into sweatshop labor, I’m quitting this podcast.
BILL BURR -
As a big music fan, England is an amazing place to go.
BILL BURR -
If I get married I get a tax break, if I have a kid I get a tax break, if I get a mortgage I get a tax break. I don’t have any kids and I drive a hybrid, I think I should get a tax break.
BILL BURR -
There’s no “brothers” when it comes to white people. We are just complete individuals. We don’t care about each other. He’s not my brother; my brother lives in Ohio – I don’t know that guy.
BILL BURR -
I don’t feel like it’s a wasted vote because I think it encourages more people like that to run. I vote for the candidates that aren’t bought and paid for like the Clintons.
BILL BURR