“I bet The Walking Dead gets really low ratings out in Montana, just because all they need to do is look out their f-king window, am I right?”

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.

I enjoy collaborating with other people.

London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.

If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.

The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.

You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.

It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no.

Realize that sleeping on a futon when you’re 30 is not the worst thing. You know what’s worse, sleeping in a king bed next to a wife you’re not really in love with but for some reason you married, and you got a couple kids, and you got a job you hate.

Working on the Dave Chappelle show was amazing.

I could probably live in Bali the rest of my life and completely live in the sticks and have a f – king moped and make a record every couple of years and not step in public and break even like I do anyway. That’s really tempting.

We are increasingly offered a diet [by Hollywood] in which sensation, not story, is king.

Poets are far rarer birds than kings.

What stupid f – king idiot gets married a second time if the first time didn’t work out?

Martin Luther King said, and it is sadly still true, that one of the most segregated times in America is the hour of worship.

We need more drag king role models for all those interested in the art

In terms of the historical record, I should also point out that there is no account in any ancient source whatsoever about King Herod slaughtering children in or around Bethlehem, or anyplace else.

Cesare persuaded King Louis to lend him an entire army to defeat me. I’m flattered.