“I love my dog. I hate bankers. I have issues with women. In my head, I’m a great guy.”

I wasn’t the good looking guy, I wasn’t the hot chick, I wasn’t the fat guy, I didn’t have a catchphrase, I didn’t wear a silly hat. I was just trying to improve as a comedian.

I still remember the first gig where I got people going, it was Rascals in New Jersey, and the place was packed. I was scared. People were expecting me to be funny. I gotta be honest, every time I walk into a club, it’s that same fear.

Pitbulls are like a gun you can pet.

I love doing radio, and I love doing stand-up, obviously.

Being a comedian is an incredible thing, but it can be scary sometimes.

Everyone should just drive out to the Mojave Desert and just experience it, and it’s a fun place to live.

I keep doing specials because I think there are a lot of people who make movies and TV who are fans of comedy – if they start to like you, they’ll get a project going and call you in.

I enjoy collaborating with other people.

London was like that too. It was that time of year when all the rich kids with the oil money have their cars shipped over.

My favorite kind of humor is basically, if it was happening to you, it wouldn’t be funny, but to observe it, it’s hilarious.

If you get a chance to go outside of the country, you start examining where you’re from and some of the thought processes.

If you try to deliver a funny line in a funny way, it comes out as wacky and you ruin the scene.

I consider Ric Flair to be one of the great comedic minds. But I never got to see him growing up because that was back when they still had territories.

The greatest comebacks ever – watching [Donald Trump] get the nomination for the Republican Party is the most astounding thing I’ve ever seen.

You’ll be laying there fantasizing about sleeping on a futon. There’s no risk when you go after a dream. There’s a tremendous amount to risk to playing it safe.

It’s just if one person says anything it becomes click bait and then they start talking about the comedy climate which is hilarious, so no.

They are engines of change (as the poet said), windows on the world and lighthouses erected in the sea of time. They are companions, teachers, magicians, bankers of the treasures of the mind. Books are humanity in print.

While we read a novel, we are insane-bonkers. We believe in the existence of people who aren’t there, we hear their voices… Sanity returns (in most cases) when the book is closed.

Ladies touch babies like a banker touches gold, outlaws touch ladies somewhere deep down in their soul.

Bankers know that history is inflationary and that money is the last thing a wise man will hoard.

The methods it employs with such acumen, persistency, and secrecy are employed by all sorts of business men, from corner grocers up to bankers. If exposed, they are excused on the ground that this is business.

Banks have a new image. Now you have ‘a friend,’ your friendly banker. If the banks are so friendly, how come they chain down the pens?

Since I’ve become a central banker, I’ve learned to mumble with great incoherence.

We as central bankers need not be concerned if a collapsing financial asset bubble does not threaten to impair the real economy, its production, jobs and price stability.