“I like the word “indolence.” It makes my laziness seem classy.”

You are mature when you know what is foolhardy and what is courage.

There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.

What a strange world this would be if we all had the same sense of humor.

September tries its best to have us forget summer.

Few things are as democratic as a snowstorm.

Few things move as quietly as the future.

We must escape our illusions of correctness to understand the actions and beliefs of others.

The day the Lord created hope was probably the same day he created Spring.

We may pass violets looking for roses. We may pass contentment looking for victory.

If we try and fail, we have temporary disappointments. But if we do not try at all, we have permanent regrets.

The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a Pirate.

Americans are optimists. They hope they’ll be wealthy someday – and they’re positive they can get one more brushful of paint out of an empty can.

Talent is a flame. Genius is a fire.

Man never made any material as resilient as the human spirit.

It is almost impossible to watch a sunset and not dream.

A half-truth is usually less than half of that.

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

Some songs are too repetitive for me to be able to fashion a humorous set of lyrics around. Some songs flat-out just don’t work creatively for me.

The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.

Even more exasperating than the guy who thinks he knows it all is the one who really does.

You can only drink 30 or 40 glasses of beer a day.

A bargain is something you don’t need at a price you can’t resist.

Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything he encounters needs pounding.

Gimme a pigfoot and a bottle of beer.