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Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

Tina Fey

Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
TINA FEY

Athlete Caucasian Classic Country Every Expect Eye Girl Nose Sarcastic
I think women dress for other women to let them know what their deal is. Because if women were only dressing for men, there would be nothing but Victoria’s Secret. There would be no Dior.
TINA FEY

Deal Hilarious Know Men Other Think Women
In order to feel safer on his private jet, actor John Travolta has purchased a bomb-sniffing dog. Unfortunately for the actor, the dog came six movies too late.
TINA FEY

Bomb Dog Feel Late Order Purchase Safer Sniff Too
Just say yes and you’ll figure it out afterwards.
TINA FEY

Afterward Figures Hate Saying Yes
Seriously, I’ve just realized that almost everyone is a fraud, so I try not to feel too bad about it.
TINA FEY

Bad Ecveryonbe Feel Fraud Realize Trying
Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.
TINA FEY

Average Cities Sex Totally Wardrobe
You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.
TINA FEY

Humor People Smart Tell Witty
In an attempt to make things easier for myself, which is the basis for all of history’s worst decisions […].
TINA FEY

Attempt Decision Easier History Myself Thing Worst
I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
TINA FEY

Design Excercise Funny Machine People Reward Sex Someone Workout
Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
TINA FEY

Anything Attach Lety Thing Write
There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don’t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable.
TINA FEY

Aldy Comedy Couple Impact Job Sleep Thing Want
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
TINA FEY

According Cardiovascular Develop Disease Funny Marriage Less Lonely Marriage Satisfying Study Women Worry
I like to crack the jokes now and again, but it’s only because I struggle with math.
TINA FEY

Again Crack Funny Inspirational Joke Like Math Struggle
I was first in my class at Johns Hopkins, so?” Make statements, with your actions and your voice.
TINA FEY

Action Class Country First Make People Place Statement Voice
You go through big chunks of time where you’re just thinking, ‘this is impossible – oh,this is impossible’. And then you just keep going and keep going, and you sort of do the impossible.
TINA FEY

Humor Inspiring Parenting Problem Solution
Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
TINA FEY

Crazy Done Great Like Look Makeup Overcome Photoshop Witty

Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

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Why are my arms so weak? It’s like I did that push-up last year for nothing!

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Popular Authors

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