If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater suggest that he wear a tail.
FRAN LEBOWITZYour life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.
More Fran Lebowitz Quotes
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Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw.
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Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort.
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In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.
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Do not, on a rainy day, ask your child what he feels like doing, because I assure you that what he feels like doing, you won’t feel like watching.
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If you’re going to America, bring your own food.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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All God’s children are not beautiful. Most of God’s children are, in fact, barely presentable.
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy.
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Nature is by and large to be found out of doors, a location where, it cannot be argued, there are never enough comfortable chairs.
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.
FRAN LEBOWITZ