“He’s just angry because the president doesn’t shoot old men in the face.”

That’s really wrong. Many of the libertarians are physicists, and many of the Tea Party people don’t bathe. There’s really not much in common there!

U.S. military action in Iraq: It sure didn’t work out well last time.

The Meanies want to take away your benefits, and the Weenies want to compromise with them.

The Republican health care plan: don’t get sick.

if you get sick, America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly.

This is what the Republicans want you to do. If you get sick America, the Republican health care plan is this: Die quickly!

The people see that Wall Street is running our economic policy.

The real two-party system in America is the Meanies and the Weenies.

But by the way, when he was done speaking, did he just then turn into a bat and fly away?

The time for common-sense immigration reform is now,

Don’t get sick, and if you do get sick, die quickly.

That big oil is running our energy policy and the military industrial complex is determining our foreign policy.

The Republicans have a back up plan in case you do get sick …

Republicans want you to die quickly if you get sick.

By the way, I have trouble listening to what [Cheney] says sometimes because of the blood that drips from his teeth while he’s talking, but my response is this.

I think that the voters should choose the elected officials, not the elected officials choose the voters.

Take them out onto the verandah and beat them with a cricket bat…. Be intellectually rigorous. Identify your biases, your prejudices, your privilege.

The phrase ‘off with the crack of the bat’, while romantic, is really meaningless, since the outfielder should be in motion long before he hears the sound of the ball meeting the bat.

There’s a lot of things I would definitely go to bat for in Hawaii. I’ve been all over that stuff. If someone told me to be quiet about that because of my profession, no. That’s my people.

I always said little Truman had a voice so high it could only be detected by bats.

I don’t believe that there’s a good guy and a bad guy. Unless it’s like Superman or Batman, there is no good guy and bad guy.

I got rabies shots for biting the head off a bat but that’s OK – the bat had to get Ozzy shots.

My pitching philosophy is simple – keep the ball way from the bat.

A lifetime contract for a coach means if you’re ahead in the third quarter and moving the ball, they can’t fire you.