“I mean, I hate to gloat, but I’m extremely satisfied with my position in life and the way things have worked out for me.”

That’s a big part of my life – doing things that I’m not prepared to do.

You make me wanna staple bagels to my face, then remove them with a pitchfork.

Well I’ve made no secret of my life long love of MAD Magazine, it’s probably my first and greatest influence in terms of my comic sensibilities. I’ve known John [Ficarra] for many years, and we’ve been friends.

A lot of rap songs don’t usually have a lot of melody per se.

I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self service pump.

I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.

If you want to avoid heated arguments, never discuss religion, politics, or whether the toilet paper roll should go over or under.

Take down those naked pictures of Ernest Borgnine.

You can try on our suede underwear if you choose. Do what you want, but don’t step on my blue suede shoes.

If something is good enough, it can be out there and people will see it.

It fit pretty nicely into my schedule because we’d pretty much finished the bulk of promotion for Mandatory Fun and were just getting geared up for the World Tour so this was a nice time for me to be working on it.

Beans, beans, the magic legumes – the more you ingest, the more you consume.

At this point I’ve got a bit of a track record. So people realize that when ‘Weird Al’ wants to go parody, it’s not meant to make them look bad… it’s meant to be a tribute.

I don’t want to pooh-pooh modern pop. I appreciate that as well, but my personal favorite kind of music is guitar-based rock. I like grunge and garage bands and alternative music, but that’s more my personal taste.

I decided that I wanted to be a voice on every animated cartoon in the history of the world – even shows that haven’t been on the air for a very long time, that’s going to be harder to pull off.

Sometimes I get, “Have you ever thought about doing real music?” I like to think the music I do is real, it just happens to be funny.

This was an extremely difficult decision as I take great pride in representing our country. I know that I owe it to my USA Basketball teammates to be totally invested in the experience. After going through training camp with USAB.

Quite frankly, having an uninformed populace works extremely well, particularly when you have a media that doesn’t understand its responsibility and feels more like it’s an arm of a political party. They can really take advantage of an uninformed populace.

How true it is that without the guidance of the Holy Spirit intellect not only is undependable but also extremely dangerous, because it often confuses the issue of right and wrong.

Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious.

It is extremely rough to follow through with my goals, but I felt a responsibility to show the world what the African Americans are facing through this rough patch.

I am extremely proud to be Tongan and Samoan, and to be the first on Tour and the first in the Masters is a cool thing.

Golf is an extremely expensive sport, and growing up, I didn’t come from a lot, but my parents sacrificed a lot for me to compete, and my goals were their goals.

Obviously having the resources to have access to the law is extremely important.