“I dated Siamese twins, I slept with Big Foot, too. Get me on Sally Jesse, put me on Donahue.”

They do everything from gangsta rap to polka music and every genre in between. It’s amazing.

I don’t want to hear about this train being derailed! What happened to ‘The Flintstones’?’

He died a long painful death. However, you’ll be happy to hear that just a few years later he was reincarnated as Shirley MacLaine.

I always try to put myself out of my comfort zone and out of my depth, and hopefully somewhere along the line I’ll catch up.

I knew we were having problems when you put those piranhas in my bathtub again.

There are a lot of songs that would ostensibly be a good candidate for parody, yet I can’t think of a clever enough idea.

You don’t need to be defined by your job.

I can bend paper clips into the shapes of small animals.

You fake something until you’re good at it.

I’m an ugly girl, My face makes you hurl, Sad I have it, I should bag it. Acne everywhere, Unwanted facial hair. I’m a relation to Frankenstein’s creation.

Somebody will come up to me after a show and have me sign their arm, and the next time I see them my autograph has been permanently inscribed on their arm.

You slammed my face down on the barbecue grill, now my scars are all healing, but my heart never will.

Whenever I do a parody it’s not meant to make you hate anybody’s music really.

It was difficult to get into my friends’ rock bands when I was a teenager.

Whereas if I wrote a movie script, chances are better than even that I’d just be another guy in L.A. with a movie script in his drawer.

I’ve always enjoyed animation and voiceover work. That’s something that I’ve been proactive about.

Remember, I’m the kind of kid who used to get stuffed into a locker by school bullies. I’ve never felt like I’m a big star at any level of my life.

You can’t expect insights, even the big ones, to make you suddenly understand everything. But I figure: Hey it’s a step in the right direction if they leave you confused in a deeper way.

My biggest regret is sinking in places I should have swam.

A grown man should always carry cash, right? I don’t know who told me, but someone told me that a long time ago, and the biggest turnoff is when a guy doesn’t have cash on him.

We don’t really have any big family traditions; just spending time with each other is the most important part.

Newsflash: karma’s an even bigger bitch than me.

Your heart tells you big things in little ways.

The biggest advantage to believing in God is you don’t have to understand anything, no physics, no biology. I wanted to understand.