“That he armed the Mujahideen, that he armed Saddam, that he armed Iran, that he armed two-thirds of the Axis of Evil, and that he funded terrorists in Central America. He was, in my mind, a terrible president.”

I once asked the most fabulous couple I know, Madonna and Guy Ritchie, how they kept things fresh despite having been married for almost seven months. ‘It’s a job, Al,’ Guy told me. ‘We work at it every day.’

When people talked about protecting their privacy when I was growing up, they were talking about protecting it from the government.

I wish I had spent more time at the office and less time in prison.

They’ve had local rightwing guys who’ve become national rightwing guys, and who build slowly, and that’s how it goes. We haven’t had that. It isn’t like we have a farm team.

The biases the media has are much bigger than conservative or liberal.

They had developed all these bad habits of being objective and balanced and stuff like that.

Being a comedian, you’re under pressure. You have to deal with stress and pressure to perform – to deal with pressure without stress.

Russia has a strategy of creating the conditions that give rise to corruption, then exploiting that corruption to its own benefit.

Sometimes if I tell people, ‘I’m afraid that I’m really a fraud,’ or ‘I have a lot of self-doubt,’ they go.

Putin has had many positive experiences working with Western political leaders whose business interests made them more disposed to deal with Russia.

Gary Bauer is a very good – he’s a good friend of mine.

They’re about getting ratings, about making money, about doing stories that are easy to cover.

Minnesotans know the difference between the job of satirist and the job of senator. And so do I.

But in the right-wing media, they do have a right-wing bias. And they also have an agenda. So their agenda is: we’re an adjunct of the Republican Party, and we’re going push that agenda every day, and, as you say, brand these stories that help further the right-wing cause.

Well, a lot of politics is communicating with people, and obviously comedy has something to do with that.

I think if you’re going to do a movie about Reagan, you do it about the fact that he created the huge deficit.

Look, I don’t want to wax philosophic, but I will say that if you’re alive you’ve got to flap your arms and legs.

An armed society is a polite society.

If you are full of motivation as a player, if you are full of concentration, I am open arms.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn’t argue with one. I’d put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

Valor is stability, not of legs and arms, but of courage and the soul.

The Constitution preserves the advantage of being armed which Americans possess over the people of almost every other nation where the governments are afraid to trust the people with arms.

A well regulated militia, composed of the body of the people, trained in arms, is the best most natural defense of a free country.

I have nothing to do with opinions. I deal only with armed rebellion and its aiders and abettors.