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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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Marilyn Monroe Paulo Coelho Abraham Lincoln C. S. Lewis Khalil Gibran Charlie Chaplin Gautama Buddha Isaac Newton

My parents were really political. The news was very important in our home.
AL FRANKEN

Home Important News Night Parent Political Really Very
My dad didn’t graduate from high school, ended up being a printing salesman, probably never made more than $8,000 a year.
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Dad End Graduate Mom Print Real Salesman School
During Vietnam, I was in college, enjoying my student deferment. The government wisely felt that, in my case, military service was less important than completing my studies to prepare me for my chosen career: comedian.
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Career College Country Deferment Enjoy Military Student
Having an actual income can expand your romantic horizons toward the more appealing end of the spectrum.
AL FRANKEN

Actual Appeal End Expand Horizon Income More Romantic Spectrum
You see, they love America like a 4-year-old loves his mommy. Liberals love America like grown-ups. To a 4-year-old, everything Mommy does is wonderful and anyone who criticizes Mommy is bad.
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Bad Country Criticize Everything Grow Up Liberal Love Mommy Powerful
The news movement conservatives that are just laying out, slathering out the disinformation and the lies, as I discuss in my book, ‘Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.’
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Balance Book Conservative Discuss Disinformation Fair Just Lay Lie Like Look Movement News Out Slather
It’s easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world.
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Carpet Inspirational Put Slipper Whole World
I know that it’s probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician.
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Comedian Especially God Group Idea Policy Population Probably Public Satirist Support Year
The right wing has had a radio apparatus for years and years, so they’ve had minor leagues.
AL FRANKEN

Apparatus League Mirror Radio Right Team Wing Year
Changing technologies, changing marketplaces, and even changing trends in anti-competitive practices have all presented challenges to antitrust enforcement.
AL FRANKEN

Anti-competitive Antitrust Challenge Change Enforcement Even Marketplace Practice Technology Trend
As a source of innovation, an engine of our economy, and a forum for our political discourse.
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Discourse Economy Engine Forum Innovation Media Political Powerful Source
I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dog-gone it, people like me.
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Dog Enough Gone Like People Small Smart
The Fourth Amendment doesn’t apply to corporations.
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Amendment Apply Corporation Fourth
Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government asked me to serve as a fellow at its Shorenstein Center on the Press, Politics, and Public Policy.
AL FRANKEN

Ask Career Center Fellow Government Grow Love Politics Press Public School Serve
It’s not preppies, cause I’m a preppie myself. I just don’t like homosexuals. If you ask me, they’re all homosexuals in the Pudding. Hey, I was glad when that Pudding homosexual got killed in Philadelphia.
AL FRANKEN

Her Homosexual Myself Philadelphia Preppy Pud
Anybody who deliberately propagandizes with lies should be held up to scorn and ridicule.
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Anybody Deliberate Held Lie Ridicule Scorn Should

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