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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

Al Franken

In our political system, money is power. And that means a few can have a lot more power than the rest.
AL FRANKEN

Democracy Few Mean Money More Political Power Rest System
I think there are all kinds of different hells. It’s not a place you go to after you die.
AL FRANKEN

After Die Different Go Hell Kind Place Think
Some of George W. Bush’s friends say that Bush believes God called him to be president during these times of trial.
AL FRANKEN

Believe Call College During Friend God Popular President Some Time Trial Vote
The news movement conservatives that are just laying out, slathering out the disinformation and the lies, as I discuss in my book, ‘Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them: A Fair and Balanced Look at the Right.’
AL FRANKEN

Balance Book Conservative Discuss Disinformation Fair Just Lay Lie Like Look Movement News Out Slather
I’m crushed by the responsibility of writing a satirical book.
AL FRANKEN

Book Crush Responsibility Satirical Write
He [Newt Gingrich] is the most unpopular politician in America. His favorable rating is only four points higher than the Unabomber.
AL FRANKEN

Country Favorable Four Higher Most Point Politician Unpopular
But in the right-wing media, they do have a right-wing bias. And they also have an agenda. So their agenda is: we’re an adjunct of the Republican Party, and we’re going push that agenda every day, and, as you say, brand these stories that help further the right-wing cause.
AL FRANKEN

Agenda Also Bias Media Party Right Wing
When you live in New York, one of two things happen – you either become a New Yorker, or you feel more like the place you came from.
AL FRANKEN

Become Country Either Feel Happen Like More Place Thing Two
Most of us here in the media are what I call infotainers…
AL FRANKEN

Call Here Media Most
Demagoguery sells. And therefore, radio stations will put it on. But that doesn’t mean that you can’t do something else and also make it sell.
AL FRANKEN

Demagoguery Else Mean On Put Radio Sell Something Station
I feel a deep obligation to the men and women who have risked life and limb on our behalf.
AL FRANKEN

Behalf Deep Feel Life Limb Men Obligation Our Risk Women
I’m a bit of a shill for the Clinton Administration, which has its perks. I’m invited to all the inaugural balls.
AL FRANKEN

Administration Ball Invite Perk
But I think it’s a good thing. Some people thought that it was an odd career arc, but to me it made absolute sense.
AL FRANKEN

Absolute Career Good Made Odd People Sense Some Think
I’ve been a producer and led people. Also, being a comedian, you’re under pressure.
AL FRANKEN

Being Comedian led People Pressure Producer Under
I think the government has a role in protecting the fundamental rights of its citizens.
AL FRANKEN

Citizen Fundamental Government Protect Right Role Think
I can assure you, this is not about spying on the American people.
AL FRANKEN

Assure Country Nsa People Spy

Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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Today I will masterbate! Okay, that was a mistake. I should have written “Today I will masterbate–if I want to!

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