“I was raised by a single dad, so I’ve always just kind of liked “guys” stuff. I think my dad just took me to the things he was interested in.”

I can tell you this: Stand-up is not glamorous.

A belief in feminism is a belief in personal freedom.

Real success and accomplishment, at whatever it is you are passionate about, requires real work.

I love being married. I love my husband. I think married people always have that thing where they think that the grass is greener on the single side, but all my single friends are like,

Wounds turn into scars and scars make you tough.

I’m such a geek, and have always been a real nerd.

I visualize myself winning the Olympic Pentathlon, inventing a phone that can be controlled by brain waves, or doing the laundry.

“You are going to fail, and anyone who is success has powered through many, many failures.”

Am I going to complain about being typecast as smart? I don’t think so.

“Trust me, you don’t want to have to actually interact with these people.”

I spent most of my seventh grade summer dehydrated, green-tongued, and smelling like a Malaysian whorehouse.

I’m the kindest, most supportive friend ever, probably to my own detriment, but I hope that I am toughening up a little bit.

I have one girlfriend who is dating right now – she’s divorced – and she’s on Tinder, so we play Tinder. I know that’s not a real game, but it’s my favorite thing to do.

TV always wants more people to be watching.

The best advice anybody could have given me was to keep getting up over and over again.

Wipe the rivulets of watery drool from your face, and do it again, like an obstinate toddler running against the wall with his head in a bucket.

I always tell people that my primary job is being a dad and husband. Music is just what pays the bills.

I get on fine with my mum and dad, but if they want to see the grandchildren, they come to me.

My hometown is 30,000 people. It’s remote, but it’s an oil town, so it’s developed. There’s definitely a mill mentality: not a lot of people leave. It’s a lot of long hours, shift work. Even my Dad, who’s a dentist worked hard, because that’s what people do up there.

My dad is a chemical engineer, and my mom was a teacher. They were pretty serious about education, but I always thought about things a little bit differently.

Back in high school I told my dad, “I’m going to have a computer someday.” And he said that it cost as much as a house-the downpayment on a house. And I said, “Well, I’ll live in an apartment.”

My dad told me this: You get out of it what you put into it. If you put in effort and log your time, you’ll get the results.

I would like my Dad to be alive so he could see what I am.

I’d say people get to work and start being more understanding of everybody – instead of calling everybody names, start being more understanding. But get in there and get it done. Kick ass and take names. And this may be my dad talking, but don’t spend what you don’t have.