“The piano has been drinking, not me.”

I’m the type of guy who’d sell you a rat’s asshole for a wedding ring.

Come down off the cross, we could use the wood.

The average person spends two weeks over their lifetime waiting for the traffic light to change.

Children make up the best songs, anyway. Better than grown-ups. Kids are always working on songs and throwing them away, like little origami things or paper airplanes. They don’t care if they lose it; they’ll just make another one.

I’ve been riding on the crest of a slump lately.

Never have your wallet with you onstage. It’s bad luck. You shouldn’t play the piano with money in your pocket. Play like you need the money.

The earth is not my home, I’m just passing by.

Champagne for my real friends and real pain for my sham friends.

Never trust a man in a blue trench coat, never drive a car when you’re dead.

Got a head full of lightning, a hat full of rain.

I’ll tell you all my secrets but I lie about my past.

I like Thelonious Monk, he’s so gnarled, he’s like a piece of machinery that’s pulled up the bolts on the floor and gone off on its own.

The dog won’t bite if you beat Him with a bone.

And the earth died screaming, while I lay dreaming.

Mostly I straddle reality and the imagination. My reality needs imagination like a bulb needs a socket. My imagination needs reality like a blind man needs a cane.

I put food on the table and roof overhead. But I’d trade it all tomorrow for the highway instead.

The most sensible thing to do to people you hate is to drink their brandy.

Let’s get drunk off the stars and tell each other everything we’re afraid to say sober.

Your story isn’t powerful enough if all it does is lead the horse to water; it has to inspire the horse to drink, too. On social media, the only story that can achieve that goal is one told with native content.

I hope next time when we meet, we won’t be fighting each other. Instead we will be drinking tea together.

I still drink vodka; I’m not an advocate of drinking, but I’m no angel. I don’t like grass, because it just makes me hungry.

The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober.

If I had not some strength of will I would make a first class drunkard.

China traditionally has been a tea-drinking country but we turned them into coffee drinkers.