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I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.

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Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman

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I talk a lot about women in my act, ’cause let’s face it — if I was hungry, I would talk about food.
ADAM FERRARA

Cause Face Food Funny Humor Hungry Lot Talk Women
There were many reasons we broke up. There was a religious difference: I’m a Catholic, and she’s the devil.
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Broke Difference Funny Humor Kiss Reason Religious Room Up Walked
Ladies, your happiness is very important to us. You have to understand that. Because when you’re happy, you let us touch you.
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Funny Happiness Happy Humor Important Ladies Touch
Oh, it may sound crass, but just check the color when you come home. ‘Hi honey. Infernal red? Oh boy, I ain’t getting laid, and I gotta cut the lawn, I know it.’
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Color Come Crass Funny Home Honey Infernal Sound
The biggest thing in my life right now is my girlfriend. I love this girl. I know I love her because she told me.
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Biggest Funny Girl Girlfriend Humor Life Love Now Right Thing
Go to bed.’ ‘Don’t you feel like we’re soul…’
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Whenever she uses the phrase ‘I was thinking…,’ that means I either have to move, paint or buy something.
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Either Funny Humor Mean Move Moving Paint Phrase Thinking
I look to nature because I think the animals are smarter than we are. Animals mate; humans date.
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I love to believe that there’s one god but there’s many different religions so there’s just the question of which long distance company you pick.
ADAM FERRARA

Believe Different Distance God Long Question Religious
I know she’s just trying to make things nice, so I do my part. Now, when I get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, I turn on the light. I used to just go by sonar: just keep peeing ’til you hear water.
ADAM FERRARA

Bathroom Funny Humor. Trying Make Nice Night Now Thing Use
My dad was a big car guy. If you wanted to spend time with my dad, he was working on the car.
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Car Dad Guy Money Spend Trust Vehicle Wanted Working
There’s no dating in the animal kingdom. No dinner, no movie – just a quick sniff, ‘Alright, let’s go.’
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Alright Animal Dating Dinner Funny Go Kingdom Movie No Quick Sniff
I don’t think I’ll ever meet the perfect woman. I might have to get me one of them mail order women.
ADAM FERRARA

Funny Humor Meet Mial Order Perfect Think Thinking Woman
Men tend to lie when it comes to sexual conquests. You should hear some of the ego-driven lies my friends have told me: ‘Swear to God, man – the hooker gave the money back.’
ADAM FERRARA

Come Conquest Driven Ego Funny Humor Lie Lying Sexual Tend
I think human arrogance will be the demise of civilization.
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Arrogance Civilization Demise Human Thinking
What if God’s a woman? Not only am I going to hell, I’ll never know why!
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Funny God Going Hell Humor Know Reason Woman

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