“Obviously, there’s a million things we’re allowed to say on late-night cable that you’re not allowed to say on a prime time broadcast.”

The American people have no control over what the military does. We have no say in American foreign policy.

I really get a little bit confused by all this “angry angry angry” talk when all I do is tell jokes and at least some people find it funny.

I guess I was a conspiracy theorist when I said “no weapons in Iraq.” Now they call that history.

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes.

I don’t want the news to be patriotic. I don’t want to see flags on the lapels of the anchors. I don’t want any of that.

Voting really doesn’t mean anything. I wish I could say something different, but I think it’s kind of a sham.

Fame is not your friend. It ain’t necessarily your enemy. It is what it is.

But I know that in Toronto and Vancouver there are all the comforts of America, and yet there’s a difference in the people, and I had health care.

I’m actually kind of angriest about the fact that everybody keeps saying how angry I am.

You know, every time a summer movie comes out, people think they’re gonna get rich off of the merchandise.

We don’t need a two-party system. We need something else. Because at this point, the two-party system is really just a one-party system. And that one party is crumbling.

The population has to be educated about how the government actually works.

In USA culture is just a matter of commerce. So, you know, I don’t really look for that, and I don’t expect to find it in any city.

I do the interviews and then I read about myself. I understand it and I get what it is. But there’s so much stuff that I say, either jokingly or lightheartedly, that gets printed like I’m dead serious.

Fluid and energetic and wild very, very smart and very, very funny.

I wonder what it means when your grandson is more crotchety than you are.