Women are like cars: we all want a Ferrari, sometimes want a pickup truck, and end up with a station wagon.
TIM ALLENI think women like Ferraris. A Ferrari is everybody’s car.
More Tim Allen Quotes
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Anytime you work with animals, you begin to see more humanity in them.
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Men are liars. We’ll lie about lying if we have to. I’m an algebra liar. I figure two good lies make a positive.
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For years, I just did not like this idea of God, church.
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Before Kady was born, I didn’t think having a kid would be such a big deal. My attitude was simple: Babies are nice, play with them, put them in the closet until the next time.
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There is no greater feeling than when a groom turns to see his bride and has tears in his eyes because she is so beautiful.
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Can we take a direct flight back to reality or do we have to change planes in Denver?
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While awaiting sentencing, I decided to give stand-up comedy a shot. The judge had suggested I get my act together, and I took him seriously.
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Be wary of listening to stories secondhand.
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Nothing’s as easy as it is on a sitcom. Issues that we take care of in 20 minutes on the show can stretch out over years in real families.
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You don’t know what people are really like until they’re under a lot of stress.
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A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days.
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I’ve gotten so far past the Android and iPhones that I’m back to a flip-phone. It’s funny, you can buy antique flip-phones online. A lot of us collect them. Clearly, they’re considered antiques.
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When somebody tells you they’re not very smart, they’re saying exactly the opposite.
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In marriage, compromise nurtures the relationship.
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As the Chinese will tell you, history depends on your point of view.
TIM ALLEN






