“The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show… Cops would come by – often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.”

I live a sensible life. You know, I don’t take on too much.

Every comic can report a few ‘gift from the gods’ moments.

I don’t think anyone ever gets over the surprise of how differently one audience’s reaction is from another.

I have a long list of things that make me mad.

Comedians are sometimes resentful of their writers. Probably because it’s hard for giant egos to admit you need anyone but yourself to be what you are.

Show people tend to treat their finances like their dentistry. They assume the man handling it knows what he is doing.

I’m not freakishly short. I had, on my show, used shortness as a joke subject; it didn’t really bother me.

I get a kick out of people saying I was funny.

I feel sorry for the poor kids whose parents feel they’re qualified to teach them at home. Of course, some parents are smarter than some teachers, but in the main I see home-schooling as misguided foolishness.

Home schooling as an idea is on a par with home dentistry.

It was well after college that I learned about depression. I got my first job for Jack Paar. I realized I was sleeping 14 hours a day and just living for the Paar show.

Every time I nostalgically try to regain my liking of John McCain, he reaches into his sleaze bag and pulls out something malodorous.

My IQ is somewhere between Spiro Agnew’s and Albert Einstein’s.

To call New York’s traffic at holiday time a nightmare is to understate.

There were several things a Yale freshman was supposed to be able to do. You had to demonstrate in the Olympic-size Yale pool that you could swim 50 yards or be inducted into swimming class.

History is not reassuring on the subject of the longevity of seemingly lasting great nations, is it?

Every thing secret degenerates, even the administration of justice; nothing is safe that does not show how it can bear discussion and publicity.

Move over to Egypt. Once again, the [Barack] Obama administration, encouraged by Republicans, toppled [Hosni] Mubarak who had been a reliable ally of the United States, of Israel, and in its place, [Mohamed] Morsi and the Muslim Brotherhood came in, a terrorist organization.

I think that New York is not the cultural centre of America, but the business and administrative centre of American culture.

When enacted into law, the ‘Protect America First Act’ will end the flood of illegal border crossings unleashed during the first 50 days of the Biden administration.

John Lewis Gaddis is not only the favorite historian of the Reagan administration, but he’s regarded as the dean of Cold War scholarship.

The Clinton administration launched an attack on people in Texas because those people were religious nuts with guns. Hell, this country was founded by religious nuts with guns. Who does Bill Clinton think stepped ashore on Plymouth Rock?

We put resources elsewhere. That’s been a critique of the administration. Did we miss opportunities?

The mistake that the Bush administration should admit to is not so much that they made the wrong choices. They made the right analysis; they made the right choices. But what they did wrong was the execution of those choices. That was wrong.