“Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing.”

Chris Matthews can’t start any sentence without ‘Let me ask you this… ‘ And I love Chris Matthews! But almost everybody in journalism does it. Who’s stopping you? Just say it!

In the main, ghosts are said to be forlorn and generally miserable, if not downright depressed. The jolly ghost is rare.

You have to be on TV a surprisingly long time before you’re stopped on the street. Then, when you are, you get a lot of, ‘Hey, you’re great! What’s your name again?’

Censorship feeds the dirty mind more than the four-letter word itself.

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.

Nobody is going to try to confiscate guns, although some Web sites know better: President Obama, they are certain, wants to.

I’m not all that enthralled by show business, and I’m not that much of a highbrow.

I hate Danny Kaye movies.

In relative youth, we assume we’ll remember everything. Someone should urge the young to think otherwise.

While other kids were out playing and doing healthy things, I read an ancient judo book with a neck hold that was fatal to so many people they finally dropped it from judo.

I have a disturbing problem with losing things. My vulnerability to loss-distress could properly be labeled not only inordinate, but neurotic.

To label me an intellectual is a misunderstanding of what that is.

It’s lamented that the youth get their news from Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert. It’s lamentable that they get more from them than from the news.

Unpleasant reading on the subject of anger tells us that there’s not really anything wrong with it. In limited amounts. It can even be a good thing. A pressure valve.

It was at a vividly bad time in Norman Mailer’s life that I met him, and a sort of water-treading time in mine. He had stabbed his wife, and I was a copy boy at Time magazine.

The Nixon administration kept a nasty eye on our show… Cops would come by – often just in time to see the act they wanted to see.

It’s what we see every day in the magazines, on billboards and even on television.

What you sow, you reap. It’s a law of nature. Network Marketing is perfectly aligned with that. You get truly, EXACTLY what you’re worth! No nepotism, no favoritism. That’s rare today.

We wake up each day facing the age-old struggle of good and evil. In some situations mental illness clouds our judgment.

My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.

Whats nice about my dating life is that I dont have to leave my house. All I have to do is read the paper: Im marrying Richard Gere, dating Daniel Day-Lewis, parading around with John F. Kennedy, Jr., and even Robert De Niro was in there for a day.

The hardest part about being an entrepreneur is that you’ll fail ten times for every success.

It’s a shame really because a couple days in Oklahoma will open your eyes to how much better it would be if the rest of the country was filled with a few more people from Oklahoma.

My sincere hope and prayer is that, on the Day of Judgment, my Lord’s angels also recognize me as a Muslim and pull me aside for special treatment