“Every time someone says, ‘You know, we really ought to get together,’ if I were really honest, I would ask ‘Why?’”

A biggest mistake I made when I started doing a talk show was I thought you had to read the books.

Electronic devices dislike me. There is never a day when something isn’t ailing.

The sudden death at 51 of James Gandolfini is intolerable.

The mob became unruly and the police were forced to resort to sex.

Once I left out what I then considered my best line because there was a suspected column rat in the house.

I’m sure I’ve all but lost friends by maintaining that, despite their love for it, I always saw Stanley Kramer’s ‘It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World’ as more of an exercise in anti-comedy than humor.

I find most ‘sacred music’ pretty dismal.

The trick to writing for people is, you have to be able to turn them on in your head. And know how they’d word something or how they’d inflect it.

Being the offspring of English teachers is a mixed blessing. When the film star says to you, on the air, ‘It was a perfect script for she and I,’ inside your head you hear, in the sarcastic voice of your late father, ‘Perfect for she, eh? And perfect for I, also?’

I always wanted to live in a haunted house.

A conversation does not have to be scintillating in order to be memorable. I once met a president of the United States, and his second sentence to me was about knees.

Great humorists are great insulters.

Greatly talented performers don’t know – often spectacularly – what’s best for them, don’t know what their talents really are, and don’t know what’s just plain wrong for them.

It’s not always easy to identify your own voice. It comes with time.

It’s a tribute to the human brain that anyone is able to function out there on television in a talk situation that is entirely artificial.

My dream was maybe someday, one night I can be a guest on a talk show, and then I will have achieved everything I want.

I honestly hate wearing makeup.

I like friends who are honest and loyal. They also shouldn’t be afraid to be a kid. I like having fun.

My music is some of the most honest music that’s been released and I think that’s why people buy it.

To be honest, I think about the clubs when I write. But I should probably start thinking about stadiums, because the songs sound even better there – and bigger.

I’m either about to fail miserably or I’m about to have a huge break through and to be honest that’s my sweet spot or something.

I started singing before I started talking. And that’s the God’s honest truth. I think it was something that I’ve always loved to do, even if I wasn’t good at it. I just loved ballads.

Honestly, I’m on the road so much that I never really get a chance to go to baseball games.

Surround yourself with good people. People who are going to be honest with you and look out for your best interests.