“They do what they do for money – that’s all. I don’t even know why you’re listening to me. I’ve done commercials for both Coke and Pepsi. Truth is, I can’t even taste the difference, but Pepsi paid me last, so there it is.”

Weed’s not as bad as everything else… ’cause weed is a background substance. You know what I mean, you can smoke some herb and still function. You ain’t crisp… but you’ll function.

I was doing sketches that were funny but socially irresponsible. I felt I was deliberately being encouraged and I was overwhelmed.

If I can make a teacher’s salary doing comedy, I think that’s better than being a teacher.

If you don’t have the right people around you and you’re moving at a million miles an hour you can lose yourself.

I care about the work I do. But I’m not going to say that money’s not an issue.

Chivalry is dead. Women killed it.

Something about New York, man: You can do more comedy there probably than you can anywhere in the world. If you’re interested in being funny, New York is the place to go.

My wife asked me once if I weren’t a comedian, what I would do. I couldn’t answer the question. I never imagined doing anything else.

The way the people around you position themselves around you to get in your pockets and in your mind is infuriating to me.

Everyone around me says, You’re a genius! You’re great! That’s your voice! But I’m not sure if they’re right.

The mark of greatness is when everything before you is obsolete, and everything after you bears your mark.

Ralph Nader has slavery reparations on his platform, which makes me think he’s not serious. If he thought he could win he wouldn’t even say that.

Fame for me is like a place, a country I’m taking a tour through.

The worst thing to call somebody is crazy. It’s dismissive. “I don’t understand this person. So they’re crazy.” That’s bullshit. These people are not crazy. They strong people. Maybe their environment is a little sick.

Once you been performing on the streets you can conquer any venue.

I have angst in my life, but I’m like anybody. We all have angst in our lives that we pick up and fidget with and then we put down and look at some other things that make us feel good or enjoy our lives.

There are certain things that are usable, forceful, and vital about commercial art. We’re using those things – but we’re not really advocating stupidity, international teenagerism, and terrorism.

Commercial music, for the most part, is popular music and you always have to keep that in mind.

Im interested in what would normally be considered the worst aspects of commercial art.

My direction is very anti-contemplative. If you thought I was for commercial products, you’d think there was no irony. The irony isn’t meant to be an ironic comment on our society, exactly.

My work sanitizes it (emotion) but it is also symbolic of commercial art sanitizing human feelings. I think it can be read that way….

If the demand for home commodities should be diminished, because of the fall of rent on the part of the landlords, it will be increased in a far greater degree by the increased opulence of the commercial classes.

We are a commercial people. We cannot boast of our arts, our crafts, our cultivation; our boast is in the wealth we produce.

If then the prosperity of the commercial classes, will most certainly lead to accumulation of capital, and the encouragement of productive industry; these can by no means be so surely obtained as by a fall in the price of corn.