Baptists never make love standing up. They’re afraid someone might see them and think they’re dancing.
LEWIS GRIZZARDYankees don’t understand that the Southern way of talking is a language of nuance. What we can do in the South is we can take a word and change it just a little bit and make it mean something altogether different.
More Lewis Grizzard Quotes
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There’s no such thing as being too Southern.
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I grew up in a very large family in a very small house. I never slept alone until after I was married.
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There’s nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
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The idiot who invented instant grits also thought of frozen fried chicken, and they ought to lock him up before he tries to freeze-dry collards.
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When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?
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Let’s all start walking more and driving less.
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I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.
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Sex hasn’t been the same since women started enjoying it.
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Kinky sex involves the use of duck feathers. Perverted sex involves the whole duck.
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Life is like a dogsled race. If you ain’t the lead dog, the scenery never changes.
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I get letters from people who say, ‘What have you got against women?’ What could I possibly have against women? I’ve married three of them.
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I’d much rather sit next to a smoker in a restaurant than a nose-blower.
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Life is a sexually transmitted terminal disease.
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Instead of getting married again, I’m going to find a woman I don’t like and give her a house.
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There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.
LEWIS GRIZZARD






