“He is a writer for the ages, the ages of four to eight.”

Now, look, baby, ‘Union’ is spelled with 5 letters. It is not a four-letter word.

[On the ringing of her doorbell or telephone:] What fresh hell is this?

It’s not the tragedies that kill us; it’s the messes.

Bewildered is the fox who lives to find that grapes beyond reach can be really sour.

You do what you can, and you do it because you should. But all you can do is all you can do.

Vice is nice, but liquor is quicker.

The writer’s way is rough and lonely, and who would choose it while there are vacancies in more gracious professions, such as, say, cleaning out ferryboats?

I hate almost all rich people, but I think I’d be darling at it.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can’t make her think.

I’d like to have money. And I’d like to be a good writer. These two can come together, and I hope they will, but if that’s too adorable, I’d rather have money.

Friends come and go but I wouldn’t have thought you’d be one of them.

Don’t feel bad when I die; I’ve been dead for a long time.

I know this will come as a shock to you, Mr. Goldwyn, but in all history, which has held billions and billions of human beings, not a single one ever had a happy ending.

Misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.

It was written without fear and without research.

This is me apologizing. I am a fool, a bird-brain, a liar and a horse-thief. I wouldn’t touch a superlative again with an umbrella.

Personally I like ageing. With age comes wisdom and I have said it before and I say it again, I will take wisdom over youth any day.

With age comes wisdom. You don’t need big boobs to be feminine. Look at Liberace.

I’m so grateful to my parents for my upbringing and for all of the opportunities that I was provided with, but I also learned at a young age that success is not given, it is earned and that has always been something that motivates me.

Herein lies the tragedy of the age: Not that men are poor, – all men know something of poverty. Not that men are wicked, – who is good? Not that men are ignorant, – what is truth? Nay, but that men know so little of men.

The great lesson that nature seems to teach us at all ages is self-dependence, self-protection, self-support. In the hours of our keenest sufferings all are thrown wholly on themselves for consolation.

I don’t like age barriers. I don’t like when people treat you differently when they find out how old you are.

I shall not grow conservative with age.

Eating bread in Hollywood is a no-no!