“Florida wants to change the state’s motto to attract younger people. They’re thinking about: More than just a great place to die.”

Your anger can be 49 percent and your comedy 51 percent, and you’re okay. If the anger is 51 percent, the comedy is gone.

You know it’s time to start using mouthwash when your dentist leaves the room and sends in a canary.

I have no boobs whatsoever. On my wedding night my husband said, ‘Let me help you with those buttons’ and I told him, ‘I’m completely naked’.

Edgar had a heart attack, and I’m to blame. We were making love, and I took the bag off my head.

Life is so tough. I don’t know how old you are, but I’ve seen so much in a wink. One phone call and your life is changed forever. We all know that. You better laugh at everything.

I’m racist? How can that even be possible? I was a friend of Michael Jackson’s back when he was black.

Money can’t buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.

Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all funny.

Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

The first rule of survival is: Make your own rules. The hell anyone thinks about the way you’re acting; listen only to yourself.

I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

At my funeral, I want Meryl Streep crying in five different accents.

Something terrific will come no matter how dark the present.

A study says owning a dog makes you 10 years younger. My first thought was to rescue two more, but I don’t want to go through menopause again.

I was born in 1962, and the room next to me was 1963.

You know why I feel older? I went to buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

Everything that’s coming into your life, you are attracting into your life. And it’s attracted to you by virtue of the images you’re holding in your mind. It’s what you’re thinking. Whatever is going on in your mind you are attracting to you!

We’re all working with one power, one law, it’s Attraction.

Whenever anyone utters with reverence the name of Babaji, that devotee attracts an instant spiritual blessing.

You’ve got to pay attention to what you’re attracted to because as you hold images of what you want, you’re gonna be attracted to things that are going to be attracted to you, but it literally moves into physical reality with and through you and it does that by law.

If you’re thinking of debt, that’s what you’re going to attract.

The kind of energy I attract is very calm.

You attract the predominant thoughts that you’re holding in your awareness.

Arrogance repels the Lord; humility attracts the Lord.