When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.
ERMA BOMBECKNever have more children than you have car windows.
More Erma Bombeck Quotes
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I just clipped 2 articles from a current magazine. One is a diet guaranteed to drop 5 pounds off my body in a weekend. The other is a recipe for a 6 minute pecan pie.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Grandparenthood is one of life’s rewards for surviving your own children.
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Maybe age is kinder to us than we think. With my bad eyes, I can’t see how bad I look, and with my rotten memory, I have a good excuse for getting out of a lot of stuff.
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Encourage independence in your children by regularly losing them in the supermarket.
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Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted. Every evening they disappear. Most parents never imagine how hard they try to please us, and how miserable they feel when they think they have failed.
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When humor goes, there goes civilization.
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As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.
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I worry about scientists discovering that lettuce has been fattening all along.
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Don’t confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other.
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I read one psychologist’s theory that said, “Never strike a child in your anger.” When could I strike him? When he is kissing me on my birthday? When he’s recuperating from measles? Do I slap the Bible out of his hand on Sunday?
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me’.
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My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.
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If I had my life to live over, instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished ever moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.
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Friends are “annuals” that need seasonal nurturing to bear blossoms. Family is a “perennial” that comes up year after year, enduring the droughts of absence and neglect. There’s a place in the garden for both of them.
ERMA BOMBECK -
Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.
ERMA BOMBECK