“I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house.”

One thing is for sure, a World Cup without me is nothing to watch so it is not worthwhile to wait for the World Cup.

I think I’m like wine. The older I get, the better I get.

An injured Zlatan is a pretty serious thing for any team.

That’s how it is with the English: if you score against them you’re a good player; if you don’t, you’re not.

Arsenal could have happened, as everybody knows, but I would not do a trial. Who do you think regrets that more – Arsene Wenger or Zlatan?

When I got the red card all the Chelsea players come around. It felt like I had a lot of babies around me.

England is a very strong league, with three or four of the best teams in Europe, but, if I had played there, I would have destroyed it, like I have everywhere else.

I’m like Muhammed Ali. When he said he would knock someone out in the fourth round, he did it.

PSG’s project is to dream bigger, but if you buy Messi, you don’t dream bigger – you are bigger!

Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.

I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere on the pitch.

At Barca, players were banned from driving their sports cars to training. I thought this was ridiculous – it was no one’s business what car I drive – so in April, before a match with Almeria, I drove my Ferrari Enzo to work. It caused a scene.

You don’t need a team leader, you need quality.

Everyone is equal – a strange Swedish mentality.

Come to my house and you’ll see if I’m gay. And bring your sister.

We usually say that you cannot become a legend before death. But I am a living legend.

It’s a funny old world. A man’s lucky if he gets out of it alive.

A guy walks into a psychologist’s convention with a banana in his pocket.When asked about the significance of this he says;well,they were all out of grapes.

You shouldn’t get too close to the truth, because then maybe you stop being funny.

Funny is funny is funny.

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me 85 dollars. That is why in the Navy the Captain goes down with the ship.

No one sets an impossible beauty standard like ya own mama lmao.

Somebody’s been putting pineapple juice in my pineapple juice!