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My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

I think someone should design exercise machines that reward people with sex at the end of their workouts, because people will perform superhuman feats for even the faint hope of that.
TINA FEY

Design Excercise Funny Machine People Reward Sex Someone Workout
According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
TINA FEY

According Cardiovascular Develop Disease Funny Marriage Less Lonely Marriage Satisfying Study Women Worry
To say I’m an overrated troll, when you have never even seen me guard a bridge, is patently unfair.
TINA FEY

Bridge Bridges Even Guard Overrated Say Seen Troll Witty
Now every girl is expected to have: Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy.
TINA FEY

Athlete Caucasian Classic Country Every Expect Eye Girl Nose Sarcastic
My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.
TINA FEY

Ability Acne Anxiety Chin Good Turn Witty
I hire people that are good, and aren’t crazy. Or assholes. Because that takes up too much time. There are just as many good people who are not crazy.
TINA FEY

Asshole Crazy Good Much People Take Time
Start with a ‘Yes’, and see where that takes you.
TINA FEY

See Start Take Yes You
(Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)
TINA FEY

Cry Everyone never People Say Some Terrify
Read! When your baby is finally down for the night, pick up a juicy book like Eat, Pray, Love or Pride and Prejudice or my personal favorite,Understanding Sleep Disorders: Narcolepsy and Apnea.
TINA FEY

Baby Book Down Husband Love Pick Pray Prejudice Pride Right
In real life, people in the most dire situations must cope through humor.
TINA FEY

Cope Humor Life People Real Situation
Thomas Jefferson-another gorgeous white boy who would not have been interested in me. This was my problem in a nutshell. To get some play in Charlottesville, you had to be either a Martha Jefferson or a Sally Hemings.
TINA FEY

Another Boy Boys Country Gorgeous Interested People Person Play Problem White
When humor works, it works because it’s clarifying what people already feel. It has to come from someplace real.
TINA FEY

Already Clarify Come Feel Humour People Real Someone Work Working
Life is improvisation.
TINA FEY

Improvisation Inspirational Life Is
If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important Rule of Beauty. “Who cares?”
TINA FEY

Beauty Care Hilarious Important Inspirational Inspiring Rule
There are a couple of things I want to impart to ladies who want to be in comedy: One, you don’t have to be weird or be quirky to get your job done. And two, comedy skill is not sexually transmittable.
TINA FEY

Aldy Comedy Couple Impact Job Sleep Thing Want
North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror.
TINA FEY

Absolute Act Country Interview Intolerable Refer Terror Wanton

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

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My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

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