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Not only is my wardrobe totally average, my body’s totally average. I love all the candy-fantasy fulfillment of Sex and the City.

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North Korea referred to The Interview as absolutely intolerable and a wanton act of terror.
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When a coworker shows me cute pictures of her dog, I struggle to respond correctly, like an autistic person who has been taught to recognize human emotions from flash cards. In short, I am the worst.
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Don’t be too precious or attached to anything you write. Let things be malleable.
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Confidence is 10 percent hard work and 90 percent delusion.
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In most cases being a good boss means hiring talented people and then getting out of their way.
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I want to thank my parents for somehow raising me to have confidence that is disproportionate with my looks and abilities.
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A Clinical Study. Taking some time to read each night really taught me how to feign narcolepsy when my husband asked me what my “plan” was for taking down the Christmas tree.
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I am going to dedicate myself, full time, to my day-drinking.
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Gay people don’t actually try to convert people. That’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.
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Sometimes you want to have a very productive Saturday to feel that you are in control of your life, which of course you are not.
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I’m not that good looking… nobody is that good looking. I have seen a lot of movie stars, and maybe four are amazing looking. The rest have a team of gay guys who make it happen.
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According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don’t worry, lonely women, you’ll be dead soon.
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Photoshop is just like makeup. When it’s done well it looks great, and when it’s overdone you look like a crazy asshole.
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Every kid has something they’re good at, that you hope they find and gravitate toward.
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For my first show at ‘SNL’, I wrote a Bill Clinton sketch, and during our read-through, it wasn’t getting any laughs.
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An acting teacher once told me, ‘Greet everything with yes… Even if you abandon one idea for another one, saying yes allows you to move forward.’
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Acting Everything Motivation Moving Teacher Told Yes

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