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Anything I write that I consider stage-quality work, I won’t give my TV show. I put it in my live show.

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Anything Consider Live Quality Show Stage Television Work

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I’m set up where I make a lot of money doing stand-up, and it’s easy.
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I get e-mail from all over the world, and from lawyers and doctors and whoever – plumbers and drywall hangers.
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A lot of people can find something to laugh at in my humor, I guess.
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I had the right to remain silent… but I didn’t have the ability.
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A killer Cuban restaurant with a giant cigar bar. Have me a Cuban sandwich. That’s just like heaven to me. I’m a simple man.
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I was a little one-trick pony. I do what I’ve always done. That’s really where my best stuff comes from. I don’t know how it happens. It just happens.
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I think honest communication, no matter where it comes from, is positive for a relationship.
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My brain is like a cross between a colander and a Lazy Susan – thin, slow, and it leaks.
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I begged the universe to make me a famous comedian, and it did. So I tend not to ask for any more.
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The first thing I ever got my hands on was Andy Griffith’s ‘What It Was, Was Football.’ I was fascinated with the fact that every syllable made it funny, and I would laugh even though I didn’t know what any of it meant.
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Everybody I know is a joke writer.
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I don’t think we have a surplus of fine educators in this country that we can just start dropping them for no reason whatsoever.
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I was by far the least popular of the Blue Collar crew when we started. There was a definite pecking order, and everybody knew it.
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That’s the beauty of being a straight-to-DVD star. It really helps you stay under the media’s radar.
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I guarantee there’s people who watch television who have no idea how complicated it is to make a television show.
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My favorite bands are the Allman Brothers and Red Hot Chili Peppers.
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