“Bipartisanship is not what is missing in Washington. Common sense is.”

If our freedom is taken, the American dream will wither and die.

The U.S. should never get involved where we have no clear national interest. We should not intervene militarily in a country like Syria, where we can’t separate friend from foe and might end up arming the very people who hate us the most.

The Republican Party is an empty vessel unless we imbue it with values.

If you think you have the right to health care, you are saying basically that I am your slave. I provide health care… My staff and technicians provide it… If you have a right to health care, then you have a right to their labor.

I don’t want to live in a nanny state where people are telling me where I can go and what I can do.

Every child in every neighborhood, of every color, class and background, deserves a school that will help them succeed.

We all either work for rich people or we sell stuff to rich people, so just punishing rich people is as bad for the economy as punishing anyone. Let’s not punish anyone.

The Republican promise is for policies that create economic growth. Republicans believe lower taxes, less regulation, balanced budgets, a solvent Social Security and Medicare will stimulate economic growth.

I think we need to treat everybody with dignity.

There is nothing conservative about bailing out Wall Street. Likewise, there is nothing progressive about billion dollar loans to millionaires to build solar panels.

I will not vote to send my sons, or your sons, daughters, brothers, sisters or friends to fight for a stalemate.

Inherent to socialism is the absence of choice. If I want to choose my own pretzels or books or iphones, they prevent me – they fine me, or imprison me. And those systems, not infrequently have historically, have developed into systems where there are programs.

It’s curious that only in Washington can you spend $2 billion and claim that you’re saving money.

America’s not the world’s policeman. Terrible things happen across the globe and it is beyond our means to right every wrong. But when, with modest effort and risk, we can stop children from being gassed to death and thereby make our own children safer over the long run, I believe we should act.

The Constitution was not written to restrain the citizen’s behavior, it was written to restrain the government’s behavior.

Let me be clear: I support the Civil Rights Act because I overwhelmingly agree with the intent of the legislation, which was to stop discrimination in the public sphere and halt the abhorrent practice of segregation and Jim Crow laws.

I grew up in a house that liked to be funny. Everybody liked to be funny. My family’s been…we’ve been enjoying each other’s comedy for years.

Mausoleum, n: the final and funniest folly of the rich.

The only stupid thing about words is the spelling of them.

My fans are so funny, they make me laugh so much. I’ve got some really, really, funny, clever fans.

I actually get a lot of messages with people saying, ‘What’s a Marvin Gaye?’ and, I mean… Oh, wow. I must be getting old, because someone who was born in 2004 just asked me what a Marvin Gaye was.

Lord Help the Mister that comes between Me and My Sister.

Hearing nuns’ confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

When My Love Returns from the Ladies Room, Will I Be Too Old to Care?